Sticky Situation
by ZeldaAddict42
Summary: Four members of the Straw Hat crew are forced into a bonding experience. Pun totally intended! Rated T for language and relatively mild naughty humor.
1. Stuck on You

**Disclaimer:** Everyone and everything you recognize is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda, with additional rights owned by Shonen Jump, Toei, and probably others. Dirk, Dagger, and Dart (an homage to "The Court Jester" which I also do not own) are mine, as is the Glue Glue Fruit. At least, as far as I know...  
**Spoilers: **Through Arabasta, but they're pretty vague... (_Technically _through Skypiea, with regards to bounties.)  
**Warnings:** Mostly just language in this part, but I suppose there's a bit of violence, too. I also employ a terribly cliche plot device. What can I say, it amuses me. I've used it before (but if you're not a PL&CKer you won't have read it) and will doubtless use it again. There will probably also be abundant OOC, but hey, it's fanfic. No one but Oda can truly write them IC.  
**Pairing:** None, but there _are _definite hints of my favorite.  
**Dedications: **To my Luffy-esque sister for knowing how to say "glue" in Japanese (even though I have since decided to go with "Glue Glue") and my Sanji-esque sister for answering random grammatical questions.  
**Summary: **Four members of the Straw Hat crew are forced into a bonding experience. Pun totally intended!

**Sticky Situation**

**Part 1- Stuck on You**

The day began like any other day, with no indication of what was in store. Everyone woke up, ate breakfast, listened to Nami describe the next island with occasional insight from Robin, and prepared to face the day. Well, Zoro and Sanji had a mild skirmish, Usopp frightened Chopper by suffering a sudden bout of Can't-Possibly-Leave-The-Ship-Osis, and Luffy managed to eat most of the remainder of their current supplies, but for this crew, that wasn't all that unusual either.

The day started going south when one of the Grand Line's sudden squalls made an appearance just as the next island became visible on the horizon. Nami's uncanny weather sense had given them just enough warning to begin bringing in the sails. Robin's extra hands were proving invaluable until a stray wave swept across the deck and thoroughly soaked her in sea water. To make matters even worse, the same wave had knocked both Nami and Chopper over the side.

Zoro and Sanji promptly dove in after their crew mates. Zoro assumed, correctly as it turned out, that Sanji was going after the navigator and instead focused on retrieving their doctor. Nami was a capable swimmer in her own right, and with the assistance of Sanji's powerful legs, they soon made it to shore. Chopper was fortunately in his small form, so Zoro was not far behind with the waterlogged reindeer in tow.

"Did... did anyone see if Robin was all right?" Nami was still gasping for air.

"I think Usopp snagged her," Zoro replied absently as he checked to see if Chopper was breathing. He was.

"They're bound to stop at this island, right?" Sanji stumbled to his feet. "Let's find the nearest port."

As Zoro looked over to check on Chopper, the reindeer whimpered, started to sit up, and then collapsed back onto the sandy beach.

"Ooh... I don't feel well at all," he moaned.

Zoro sighed in extremely poorly feigned annoyance. "I guess I can carry you for a while, if you want. Just, you know, so you won't slow us down..."

"I don't need your help, you big jerk! Being so kind doesn't make me happy, asshole!" Chopper shouted even as he grinned widely and blushed as he was placed on Zoro's broad shoulders.

Nami rolled her eyes and translated the conversation in her head.

"_I'm worried about you and I think of you like the little brother that I never had. I would be glad to carry you around if you're still tired after almost drowning, but my stupid machismo forces me to be gruff and rude._"

"_It's okay, I still hero-worship you, just like I do everyone else on the crew! Thank you so much for the offer! However, I too am socially stunted due to years of interacting with only a mean old lady, so I will now insult you while doing the exact opposite of my words._"

"Oi! Nami! Quit daydreaming or we'll leave you behind." She blinked and glanced over in time to see Sanji kick the swordsman in the shin.

"Be nicer to Nami, shit head!" His scowl was gone in an instant as he turned toward the navigator, hands clasped next to his face and hearts in his eyes. "I, of course, would never leave you behind, my darling! Would you care for a piggyback ride of love?" Nami was fairly certain she would never fail to be impressed by the chef's ability to switch so rapidly between emotional states.

"No thank you, I can walk." She ignored Zoro's snort and mutter that sounded suspiciously like:

"Wish she'd said _that_ in _Alubarna_..."

Chopper, meanwhile, had nodded off with his face nuzzled into Zoro's hair.

Nami closed her eyes and tried to visualize the map of this island she had only recently been poring over. It hadn't been a very good map, but anything was better than going in blind. Nami vowed to herself that _her_ map of this island was going to be exquisite. "Let's see... This island is crescent-shaped, with one major port on the inside of the curve." She glanced to either side. "We seem to be nearer to one end of the crescent, so let's head that direction and follow the shore."

"Nami-swan is so captivating when she's logical!"

"I guess that makes sense..." Zoro started to walk off in the opposite direction. Nami hooked a finger in the back of his haramaki.

"_This_ way, moron."

Their clothing began to dry as they walked along the beach, but the salt water made the material crusty and stiff, and the sand, as it is wont to do, had gotten _everywhere_. To add to the discomfort, the sun beat down on them relentlessly. A short while after they had rounded the point, Nami decided a break was in order.

"Let's rest for just a few minutes, okay?"

"Whatever you say! Your wish is my command!"

"Why stop now? We've got to be at least halfway there already, right?"

"Oh, shut up and take a break, you masochist..." Zoro stopped walking, but out of pure stubbornness, or maybe it was spite, he refused to sit down.

"Oi. I thought this place only had one town?" Zoro was making it very difficult for Nami to properly enjoy her moment of relaxation in the shade. Sanji had even found a large leaf and was obligingly fanning her.

"No," Nami corrected him, "I said there was one major _port_. Why?"

"There are some buildings over there." He pointed a short ways inland. Sure enough, several structures were visible, but there was no smoke, sound, or any other sign of life.

"Maybe they were abandoned?" Sanji must have been thinking the same thing.

Zoro raised one eyebrow and grinned. "Only one way to know for sure..."

Chopper whimpered in his sleep, one tiny hoofed leg twitching. Zoro absently reached a hand up to rub the reindeer's back, mumbling soothing noises until the small figure calmed down again. The swordsman wasn't even truly conscious of his actions until Sanji snickered and Nami said, "Aww..."

He quickly brought the arm back down to his side and glared at them, most certainly _not_ blushing. "What?"

"You are _so_ going to have kids someday," Nami chuckled.

"Am not," Zoro sulked. "Probably."

"Nami-san is delightfully insightful," Sanji was still smiling scornfully at Zoro, "but I have to agree with the marimo. That would require him finding a woman with shockingly low standards."

"_Oi!_"

"Who said the kids would have to be his _biologically_?" Nami sniffed. Sanji bit his tongue from further comment, embarrassed that he had momentarily forgotten that Nami was adopted. Of course, he basically was too, but he was loath to trample on his angel's feelings.

Zoro felt a change of subject was definitely in order. "We gonna go check that place out or what?"

Nami could tell that Zoro was curious about the strange buildings, and when Sanji finally met her gaze again, his own interest was poorly concealed. Nami rolled her eyes again. "_Boys_. You're all so stupid. Fine! Let's go." Curiosity must be contagious.

Upon closer inspection, there were three buildings, all of which appeared to be in good repair. The center building seemed to be an office of some kind, with a residential area to the right and what was probably storage on the left. The group decided to split up. Nami called the storage shed, hoping there might be something worth "re-appropriating" inside. Sanji took the small dwelling for similar reasons: he was hoping to find some food. Of course, he would never, on principle, actually _steal_ food. If he found anything worth taking, he fully intended to leave monetary compensation. This left Zoro and the still unconscious Chopper with the office.

* * *

Nami tapped her chin thoughtfully with a forefinger as she contemplated the space around her. Where to begin? After a cursory glance, she ignored several crates and barrels. Those were probably just dry goods. There was also a bench with various tools and random spare parts to heaven only knew what. Some more boxes were piled in the far corner, each hand labelled with titles such as "winter clothing" and "old books." Buried behind several other boxes, Nami caught a hint of brass.

The brass turned out to be the corner fitting on a medium sized chest. She was not surprised to see that it was secured with a padlock. The thief groaned and rolled her eyes. She was handy with a lock pick, but the time and effort involved was irritating. Nami removed her set of picks from a hidden pocket in her skirt and set to work. The lock released with a gratifying click a few minutes later.

"Let's see what lovely treasures are hidden away... in... here?" The trunk appeared to contain a rolled piece of parchment and a pile of dirty laundry. The paper turned out to be a map of some kind, so she tucked that away for further analysis later. Unable to completely quell her curiosity, Nami turned back to the clothing.

There were pieces in all colors, sizes, and styles. There didn't seem to be any common trend, except that all the pieces seemed to need varying levels of mending. In fact, the sash she was looking at right now almost looked like it had a bullet hole in it. Was that _blood_ on that blue sweater? What was that suspicious dark stain around the tear in those black pants?

The sash slithered back into the trunk through her shaking fingers. These items weren't dirty laundry! They were trophies... Gnawing on her bottom lip, she turned back to the barrels. She pulled the top off of one to reveal dry goods of a sort: gunpowder.

"I'd better find the others. We need to get out of here!" She turned toward the door but froze when she heard unfamiliar voices outside.

"Don't forget to file those new wanted posters, Dirk."

"I know, I know... You just hurry up with your tinkering and go help Dart put away the provisions."

Nami heard a hand on the doorknob and frantically dove behind the gunpowder barrels. She held her breath as she heard someone enter and then stop suddenly. The stranger swore softly, and she heard the sound of rustling fabric. If he was occupied with the trunk, Nami might be able to make a shot for the door. She thought about assembling her Clima-Tact but decided it was better to just make a run for it and rushed for the rectangle of daylight. The navigator could hear the unknown man right behind her, but she didn't have time to deal with him. She needed to find her crew mates fast!

* * *

Sanji debated with himself for a few moments, then stubbed out his cigarette before entering the house. The less trace of themselves they left behind, the less likely they were to antagonize the people who lived here, and cigarette smoke tended to linger.

The small cottage was one large room with a single corner walled off for what he could only assume was the bathroom. There was a three-tiered bunk against the left wall, three small dressers, and three chairs at the table. In a drying rack next to the sink in the small kitchen were three plates, three glasses, and three sets of silverware. Unless he was sorely mistaken, Sanji had the strong impression that three people lived here.

"Huh," he mumbled aloud, "never figured myself for Goldilocks..."

In the kitchen cabinets he found some more dishes, various pots and cooking utensils, an armed mouse trap, a small spice rack, a can of peaches, and a partially empty box of crackers. The refrigerator was equally sparse, mostly containing partial jars of various condiments. He swung the door shut and studied the variety of papers hung on the front with magnets. There were an assortment of coupons and adds, a small calendar with landscape images, and a "To Do" list written in a flowing script. The first four entries were crossed out, but still legible.

To Do:

Laundry  
Mending  
Inventory: Dart- home goods, Dirk- office supplies, Dagger- odds and ends  
Make shopping list  
Shopping trip into town  
Pick up new wanted posters at marine outpost  
Catch up on filing  
Target practice

Wait a minute... Wanted posters? Target practice? Now that he looked closer, some of the fliers were for weaponry shops, and a few coupons had been clipped for a blacksmith. Just as he was making the connection that three _bounty hunters_ lived here, he heard voices outside.

"Don't forget to file those new wanted posters, Dirk."

"I know, I know... You just hurry up with your tinkering and go help Dart put away the provisions."

Sanji slipped silently into the bathroom as the front door opened and prayed that there was a window...

* * *

Zoro gnawed absently on his lower lip as he scanned the office before him. There was a desk, two filing cabinets, a small safe, and some kind of closet. He felt Chopper stirring and lifted the reindeer down and set him on the ground.

"Feeling any better?"

"Yeah," the tiny doctor rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked around in confusion. "Where _are _we?"

"I dunno," Zoro shrugged. "Just some buildings we came across. Wanna help me look for anything interesting?"

"Well... Okay," The doctor agreed, frowning, "but I know that if this were _my_ office, I wouldn't want strangers poking around."

Zoro shrugged again. "Relax. We'll probably be long gone before the owners come back."

Chopper trotted over to the filing cabinet as Zoro perused the items on top of the desk. He tugged on the bottom drawer, but it was apparently locked. He was about to give up on the cabinet entirely when he noticed that the next drawer up from the bottom was stuck partly open, the top of a thick file wedged in the opening. The doctor gave the handle an experimental tug, and the drawer slid open.

The reindeer wrinkled his nose in confusion as he flipped through the files. Each one appeared to be labelled with a person's name. Was this a doctor's office, perhaps? He didn't want to look at confidential information! Then he spotted a name that he knew: Roronoa, Zoro.

With trembling hooves, he carefully slid the file out and opened it. It contained Zoro's wanted poster and several pages of notes describing his appearance and some sketchy information about his past. The words "very dangerous" were scrawled in the margins of the first page in red ink.

"Um, Zoro? You might want to come take a look at this."

"A file on me, huh?" Chopper jumped when Zoro's reply came from right behind him. "Guess that makes sense, since this is a bounty hunter's office."

"How did you know?"

"The planner on the desk has an appointment with a marine captain to pick up new wanted posters and an overdue bounty payment listed for today."

"What are we going to-" Zoro cut off Chopper's question with a sharp look and a finger held to his lips, cocking his head toward the door. A voice drifted in from outside.

"Don't forget to file those new wanted posters, Dirk."

The reply came from right outside the office door. "I know, I know... You just hurry up with your tinkering and go help Dart put away the provisions."

Chopper dove under the desk. Zoro simply turned to face the door, right hand resting lightly on the hilts of his swords. The former pirate hunter always presented an imposing picture, but if he expected the man who entered to cower in fear, he was sorely mistaken. Instead, the man gave a small start of surprise, but then grinned. He set the bag he was carrying down off to one side.

"I _told_ Dagger a big bounty head would come wandering through here someday! I don't suppose your captain is here with you?"

Zoro blinked. "No."

"Too bad." The man shrugged. "That would have really made things interesting. Prepare to meet your match!"

"Seriously?" Zoro glanced over his opponent. The man was small, wiry, and appeared to be totally unarmed. He was either completely insane, or he had something up his sleeve.

"Seriously." The stranger's grin widened. "Everyone underestimates me, and that's a mistake. You see, I've eaten the Glue Glue Fruit! Glue glaze!" The man thrust his arms in front of himself and Zoro was doused with a wave of clear liquid.

Before Zoro could fully recover from his surprise and retaliate, several things happened in quick succession. First, the office door slammed open, knocking the stranger to the side as Nami rushed in and grabbed onto Zoro's right arm. Chopper was startled by the loud noise and scrambled out from under the desk. In a typical Chopper response to danger, he jumped up and latched onto the left side of Zoro's head.

"There are bounty hunters here," Nami panted. "We have to run! Ew... What's all over you?"

Sanji sprinted in next with two people, another man and a woman, hot on his heels. As the newcomers spread out to flank the pirates, Sanji stood with his back against Zoro's.

"Careful, Dagger," the woman cautioned as she pulled a throwing knife from a bandolier across her chest, "don't touch them. It looks like Dirk got the swordsman before they knocked him out."

"He'd better be okay," the man, Dagger apparently, growled. "I keep telling that idiot that his Devil Fruit power isn't enough to win a fight by itself." He pulled out two clubs, twirling the one in his right hand lazily. "The stickiness should wear off soon; then let's rush them."

Zoro pondered this for a moment. The first guy had said something about glue, and this other guy mentioned stickiness. Zoro could only hope that didn't mean what he thought it meant. He felt a tug against his back, followed by some very creative swearing on Sanji's part. Damn...

"What's wrong?" Nami asked.

"I'm stuck! What the hell did you do, muscle-head?"

"_I_ didn't do anything! We're getting out of here." He leaned forward, pulling Sanji's feet off the ground, and barreled for the door, Nami scrambling to move her legs fast enough to avoid being dragged. The woman with the knife dove out of the way. Dagger cursed and gave chase.

Desperately hoping that the glue was no longer sticky, Zoro drew _Yubashiri _with his left hand. Spinning on his heel, he whipped the blade in a circular motion, blasting a gust of air back at their pursuer. The air raised a cloud of dust that provided a few moments of concealment. Zoro sheathed the blade, releasing a soundless sigh of relief when his hand came free from the hilt easily.

A knife flew out of the dust cloud, passing close enough to ruffle the fur on Chopper's back before sticking in a tree behind them. Zoro headed for the tree line before their enemy had a chance to take better aim.

"We need somewhere to hide," Nami gasped. All this running was wearing her out fast. "Does anybody see anything?"

"I think I can see a cave," Chopper replied, "but I don't think we want to be trapped somewhere like that, do we?"

"Trapped is better than dead." Sanji could see the underbrush rustling in the distance behind them. "Besides, I'm getting tired of being hauled around like a sack of potatoes!"

As the small group ran under the cave's entrance, Sanji aimed a kick at the apex of the entrance. The opening caved in behind them as Dagger and Dart ran out of the trees.

"Well, I guess that's that," Dagger scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous." Dart rolled her eyes. "You know as well as I do that they're probably just fine. Regardless, we don't have time to dig them out right now. If they're here on the island, Straw Hat Luffy probably is, too. Let's go wake up Dirk."


	2. Caves, Plans, and That's What She Said

**Disclaimer: **Everyone and everything you recognize is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda, with additional rights owned by Shonen Jump, Toei, and probably others. Dirk, Dagger, and Dart (an homage to "The Court Jester" which I also do not own) are mine, as is the Glue Glue Fruit. At least, as far as I know...  
**Spoilers:** Through Arabasta, less vague than last time.  
**Warnings:** Again with the language. Also, if you are offended by "that's what she said" jokes, you might want to skip a portion of this chapter. You'll know when you get there. I don't personally think it's enough to bump the rating to an "M," but feel free to let me know if you think I should. Also, there is semi-graphic description of fixing a booboo. If you're _really_ squeamish, skip that, too. There will probably also be abundant OOC, but hey, it's fanfic. No one but Oda can truly write them IC.  
**Dedications:** Again, to my sisters, who use "that's what she said" entirely too often.  
**Additional, Random A/N:** I actually moved into an open space and spun in a circle in various ways trying to choreograph the wall scene in my head. I'm very glad no one was watching me... I also did actual research about the injury mentioned for this!

**Part 2- Caves, Plans, and That's What She Said**

"Great, just great! Now what are we going to do?" Sanji gestured irritably with the lighter he was using as a very small, rather ineffective torch.

"Maybe it's just me, love cook," Zoro rolled his eyes, "but I don't think the person who _caused_ us to be trapped in here should get to whine about it."

"Who's whining, shitty swordsman? It's a valid question!"

"Both of you shut up so I can hear myself think!" Nami really wished she had an arm free to employ her usual fist-to-the-head technique. She'd just have to come up with something else... Back to the problem at hand. "Do you think the bounty hunters are still out there?"

"No." Zoro eyed the pile of rubble blocking the entrance. "They have no reason to wait around out there when we've very handily trapped ourselves and they have an unconscious friend back at home."

"Speaking of bounty hunters," Sanji mused as he lit a cigarette, "how come you didn't know we'd run into some here? Eh, _Pirate Hunter_?"

"It's not like all bounty hunters are in some kind of club, idiot! We don't all meet for reunions or send each other birthday cards or anything. The only other bounty hunters I've ever really spent any time with are Johnny and Yosaku!"

"You knew about Baroque Works," Sanji pointed out.

"_They_ came to _me_," Zoro shot back. "Besides, I didn't really _know_ all that much."

"The question at hand," Nami loudly interrupted the argument, "is: can we find some way to get back out of this cave?"

Sanji kicked lightly at a chunk of rock near his right foot and watched it crumble like aged cheese. "We might be able to dig our way out, but these rocks are pretty unstable."

"I have an idea," Zoro offered. He was ignored.

"Where would we start digging?" Nami wondered. "Is there any way to tell where the blockage is thinnest?"

"No, really, you guys. I have an idea."

"Maybe we should try to start at the top of the pile," Chopper reasoned. "If it's unstable, digging at the bottom might just cause a rock slide and make it worse."

"Oi! Guys!"

"Look, Zoro," Nami said dismissively, "this isn't something we can settle with your swords, so why don't you just let us figure this out? Hmm?"

She thought she heard him grumble something suspiciously like "patronizing bitch," but then he was quiet. She turned her attention back to Chopper and Sanji, who were debating the merits of starting a controlled slide versus probing the pile to find a stable spot in which to dig.

"Yes," Chopper was saying, "a slide _could_ be dangerous, but it might create an opening at the top!"

"How would we climb up there? I don't think this shitty stone will hold much weight."

"Poking at it randomly is just as likely to cause a slide as doing it on purpose."

"Nami-san, what do _you _think?" Sanji had to turn his head at a rather painful angle to make eye contact with the navigator.

"I think we'd be better off if one of us were an engineer," she quipped. "Seriously though, I really don't want to wind up buried under a pile of rocks. If only there were another way out of this cave!"

The cave continued behind them for a short ways before ending in a blank wall. There were a few pieces of wood lying around but nothing else that would be of much use.

"Hey, Zoro," Chopper finally broke the melancholy silence, "what _was_ your idea? Zoro? I think he's asleep..."

"Standing up?" Nami was both outraged and strangely impressed.

"I thought he was leaning on me kind of heavily," Sanji grumbled.

Nami considered stomping on Zoro's foot, but she wasn't sure whether his boots were steel-toed. Instead, she pinched the inside of his arm. Hard.

"OW! Dammit, woman, what?"

"Where do you think you get off taking a nap while we're in this kind of situation?" she snapped.

"I seem to recall being told that I had nothing to contribute to the discussion," Zoro snarled, desperately trying to resist the urge to rub the spot Nami had pinched.

"Yeah, well, we can't think of anything, so we'll let you have a crack at it."

"Gee, I feel so much better..."

"Stop subjecting Nami-san to your sarcasm, bastard!"

"Really, Zoro," Chopper sighed, "I _do_ want to hear your idea. Please?"

"Fine. We can't go out the way we came in, so we go the other way."

"What other way?" Sanji snorted. "That's a dead end, genius."

"No, it isn't," Zoro insisted. He dragged the others over to the wall at the back. "Listen. Can you hear it?"

Chopper's keen ears picked it up first. "Water! There's water flowing behind this wall!"

"I get it," Sanji grudgingly conceded. "It's an underground spring. It has to breach the surface somewhere, and we can follow it out."

"Exactly."

"I'm impressed, marimo. You actually used your head. Didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"What was that, swirly? You wanna fight?"

"Come on, Sanji, Zoro. Don't fight..." Chopper whimpered.

"I could take you any day, cabbage head!"

"I'd like to see you try it, pansy!"

"Hey!" Nami pinched Zoro again and kicked Sanji's ankle. "Quit acting like spoiled children! I expect more maturity from you two!"

"Of course, Nami-swan, my love! Forgive my boorish behavior! I shall make it up to you later!"

Zoro rolled his eyes but refrained from commenting on the cook's over the top apology. "I can be mature if I want to," he said instead.

"Prove it," Nami challenged. "Now then, how are we getting through the wall? Won't it just crumble like the entrance?"

"No. This is a different kind of rock," Zoro explained. He backed up a few feet and ran his hand along a seam in the wall where the rock transitioned from the brittle material at the entrance to harder rock. "It's kind of hard to tell in this dim light, but the wall reminds me of caves we had in the hills where I grew up. Those were carved out by water."

"So, I should be able to kick it down, right?" Sanji eyed the wall with a critical eye. "How thick do you think it is?"

"Hmm," Zoro closed his eyes, trying to find the same focus he had called upon in his fight with Mr. One.

"Zoro, I swear, if you're sleeping again..." Nami threatened.

"I'm not, okay? I'm trying to... I dunno. _Feel_ the rock, I guess."

"_What?_"

"Just trust me and get off my case for a minute!" He closed his eyes again. Nothing. He was beginning to get frustrated, and that surely wouldn't help. What was he missing... "Hey, Nami?"

"Yes?"

"This is going to sound crazy, but pinch me again." She obliged, possibly a little harder than was really necessary. For the briefest of moments, in the midst of the flash of pain, Zoro sensed a spot in the wall that was different from the rest. "There." He dragged the small group back over to the wall and rested his palm on the spot. "Hit it _there._"

"Where? I can't see because I'm facing the other way, remember?" Zoro turned sideways. "Okay, that's better." Sanji considered the wall again. Yes, he had kicked down walls before, but he was always free to build up the necessary momentum. He was going to need help on this. From the swordsman. Which meant he would have to _ask_.

"Well?" Nami realized she sounded a little petulant, but she wanted _out of here_.

Sanji sighed. He was doing this for Nami. "Oi, shi-er, _Zoro_?"

"What?"

"If I'm going to kick through solid rock, I'm going to need some serious momentum. Think you could help me with that? Uh, please?"

"Ah, I see." Wow, that was a lot easier than Sanji thought. As it turned out, Zoro could be reasonable. He never would have guessed... "We talking _t__atsumaki_ momentum, here, or just a little bit?"

"Back up a little and let's try this out. I'll let you know when I think we've got it right."

What followed could only be described as awkward. If Zoro tried to crouch, Sanji was dragged down, too. If he leaned too far forward, Sanji was lifted off the ground. If he tried to spread his arms out, Nami weighed down his right one and threw off his balance. There was a great deal of cursing, some yelling, a few pinches, and a lot of dizziness.

Things were about to get ugly, and Chopper hated confrontation. "Hey, everybody? I know I'm not directly involved or anything, but what if Nami lifts her legs up, and Zoro uses her as a counterweight to Sanji?"

"That could work," Nami admitted reluctantly, "but if you run me into anything, I'll kill you." The navigator curled her legs up, wrapping her ankles around Zoro's wrist. She squealed and hid her face in his shoulder as he swung his right arm in front of himself.

"Relax." Zoro was trying hard not to laugh. "This might even be fun." Placing most of his weight on his left heel, Zoro swung his arm back to the right, then around to the front again, shifting the weight to the ball of his left foot and pivoting, bringing Sanji around. The chef, meanwhile held his right leg out, slightly bent, and let the force of the turn bring his leg around, straightening it at the end in a forceful kick.

"Yes! Just like that," Sanji crowed.

"Good," Nami mumbled into Zoro's arm, "I'm not sure I can handle much more of this..."

"Great thinking, Chopper," Sanji complimented the doctor.

"Yeah, nice work," Zoro added.

"Sh-shut up, you jerks! I don't need your kind words!" Chopper was beaming.

They made short work of the wall after that. Nami was very relieved to be back on her feet. The chamber on the other side of the wall was a fair-sized cavern. The spring, however, was nowhere to be seen. Two separate tunnels branched off of the far side of the room. Daylight filtered down softly from a small hole in the roof high above them. An equally soft glow came off some of the rocks around them.

"Awesome," Chopper breathed, eyes twinkling. "Phosphorescent moss!"

"We should probably carry some of those for light," Nami mused. "That way we can save Sanji's lighter in case we need it in an emergency."

Zoro couldn't immediately think of any lighter requiring emergencies, but he didn't really want to be pinched any more either. "That's not a bad idea." Zoro nudged Sanji with his elbow and they all squatted to better reach the ground.

"Do you suppose the spring is down one of these tunnels?" Sanji wondered aloud as he picked up a fuzzy, glowing rock. It gave him all sorts of fodder for Zoro taunting, but he had promised Nami he would behave.

"Probably," Chopper sighed, "but which one? I can't tell from the sound because it's all echoey in here..."

"You're the only one with any cave experience, Zoro, so you pick. We can do this however you want."

Maybe it was stress, the fact that he hadn't had a decent nap all day, or even low blood sugar for all he knew, but Zoro couldn't help himself.

"That's what she said." He and Sanji both snickered while Nami spluttered angrily for a minute, then pinched him again.

"Ow!"

"You deserved it! You're _terrible_! What happened to 'I can be mature if I want to?' Huh?"

"Maybe I don't want to." She glared at him. "I mean, I was trying to relieve the tension?"

"I don't get it," Chopper frowned. "That was a joke, right?"

"See that? You almost corrupted poor, innocent Chopper!"

"Oh," Chopper nodded, "so it was a _dirty_ joke." He thought about it for a minute. "I still don't get it."

"Well, Chopper, what you do is, you wait for somebody to say something that _could_ sound dirty, even if it isn't meant to be, and you say- OW!"

"I said _don't_ corrupt him!"

"Oh come on, Nami! He's a _doctor_, for crying out loud! I'm sure he's heard worse."

"Oi, Chopper," Sanji turned his head toward the reindeer and spoke in a low voice. Nami couldn't hear him, as she was still berating Zoro. "Imagine the line is said in a situation relating to sex."

Chopper thought about it for a minute and giggled. "I get it now! That's funny!"

Nami pinched Zoro once more, for good measure. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Anyway," Zoro rolled his eyes, "I say we pick a tunnel, start down it, and if it doesn't seem like the water sound is getting any closer, we turn around and try the other one."

Sanji snorted. "_I_ could have come up with _that_ plan. So much for expertise..."

"When do we decide if we picked the right one?" Nami didn't like a plan that left so much to chance. "How far do we really want to go?"

"That's what she said!" Chopper chirped merrily before dissolving in a fit of giggles. "How was that?"

Zoro couldn't help a small smile. "Not bad for a first try, Chopper, but it's better to wait for a really good li- OW!"

"Don't encourage him to make dirty jokes!"

"How do you always find that same spot?"

"_That's_ what she said." Sanji smirked. Everyone gaped before Chopper and Zoro started laughing.

"A really good line like that!"

"Wow! That one was _really_ dirty, Sanji!"

"_Sanji_!" Nami fumed. "Did you _not_ just hear me yell at Zoro? Honestly!"

"I'm so sorry, Nami-san! I wasn't thinking! It just slipped out! I'll try to control myself next time, I swear!"

Nami maintained her stern composure for all of half a second.

"That's what _he_ said," she blurted. There was another stunned silence before everyone was hysterical.

"_Now_ who should be ashamed of themse- Ow! That really, _really_ hurts, you know!"

"_That's_ for corrupting _me_," Nami smiled evilly. "If any of you ever mentions this conversation again, you will _pay_."

After a few moments of consideration, which was actually "eenie-meenie-minee-mo," but he would never admit to it, Zoro decided they would try out the tunnel on the right. Even with the phosphorescent rocks, they could only see a short distance in front of themselves, which made for very slow going. On the bright side, the water sound was _definitely_ getting closer. Then, quite suddenly, there was nothing in front of them but air.

"It's a cliff," Zoro stated the obvious. They were standing sideways so that Sanji could see, too.

"How far down do you think it goes?" the chef wondered. He leaned slightly over the edge, trying to catch a glimpse of something below.

"Be careful, Sanji-kun," Nami cautioned. "We don't want to f- Aaah!" The cliff's edge underneath them crumbled, pitching them forward into the dark. Zoro knew they wouldn't have long before they hit, so he did his best to make sure he landed first. Sure enough, he landed hard on his outstretched left arm.

"Damn, that hurt..."

"Zoro! Are you okay?" Chopper was frantic. "I thought I heard a bad sound when we landed!"

"I'll be fine; it's just a dislocated shoulder. I think. Is everybody else okay?"

"I'm okay. Nami-swan?"

"I'd be better if Zoro was a little softer..."

"At least I'm softer than the ground!" They all sat up awkwardly, after several attempts. Zoro tried to move his arm and bit back a groan. He was going to have to do something about that...

"Hey, coo-um, Sanji? Can you give me a hand? I want to try putting this shoulder back."

"Zoro," Chopper chided, "a doctor should really do that..."

"Yeah, well, my doctor is a little stuck at the moment. Besides, this has happened to me before; it's no big deal. I survived for several years on my own without having a doctor around all the time."

"Okay, but don't force it! And you have to let me take a look at it later, after we get unstuck."

"Deal. You gonna help, Sanji?"

Sanji was glad the darkness masked his pallor. He was _not_ good with medical stuff. "Sure. What do you need me to do?"

"Hang on a sec. Nami, can you move forward a little?" Zoro moved his right hand up to his left shoulder so he could feel the joint. "Okay. Sanji, reach back and take my wrist. Now, bend my arm at an angle. Rotate my whole arm back. When you get to about ninety degrees, if I haven't stopped you yet, move my arm up like you're going to put my hand behind my head. You got all that?"

"Is that really going to work?" The cook was skeptical.

"Yes," Chopper confirmed, "that should work fine. I'm surprised you know that technique, Zoro! When we're done, Sanji, can we borrow your tie for a sling?"

"I don't need a-"

"Yes, you do," the doctor scolded in his "the doctor knows best" voice. "Otherwise it could slip back out."

"Fine." Zoro took a few deep, meditative breaths and did his best to relax all the muscles in his left arm. "All right, do it. Slowly." A few moments later he felt the bone slip back into place and the pain decreased greatly. Sanji took off his tie and tied the ends together in a knot, handing the loop of material to the swordsman, who responded with a gruff but heartfelt, "Thanks."

"Well, here's some good news," Nami announced. "I think we've found the spring."

Sure enough, the small body of water flowed in front of them at the bottom of the small canyon into which they had fallen.

"Great," Zoro commented as he gave a final adjustment to his injured arm. "Let's get out of this damn cave!"


	3. Outside Again and Everyone Else

**Disclaimer:** Everyone and everything you recognize is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda, with additional rights owned by Shonen Jump, Toei, and probably others. Dirk, Dagger, and Dart (an homage to "The Court Jester" which I also do not own) are mine, as is the Glue Glue Fruit. At least, as far as I know...  
**Spoilers:** Through Arabasta. Other stuff hinted, but you wouldn't really know it unless you knew already. Does that make any sense?  
**Warnings:** You guessed it, some more swearing! Why can't those boys watch their language? There will probably also be abundant OOC, but hey, it's fanfic. No one but Oda can truly write them IC. Robin especially may be off, as I am least familiar with her, which is why she is frequently and conspicuously absent.  
**Dedications:** To everyone who wanted to know what was going on with everybody else on the crew. Now you know. (And knowing is half the battle!)  
**Additional, Random A/N:** I had to research Robin's nicknames for the others. How sad is that? I am shamed...

**Part 3- Outside Again and What Everyone Else Has Been Doing**

They followed the bank of the spring until it became too narrow for them all to fit. After that, they were forced to slosh through the icy cold but mercifully shallow water. In the semidarkness, the rippling stream reflected back distorted images like a warped black mirror. It was a rather disturbing sight, so Nami had suggested a game to distract the easily frightened Chopper. They kept it up even after the chasm opened up again and they were on dry ground.

"I spy," Chopper declared, squinting in the dark and trying to locate a good target, "something red."

"Nami's bracelet?" Sanji guessed.

"Nope."

"That one sword of Zoro's?" Nami suggested.

"It's a _katana_, not just a sword," Zoro corrected with a grunt, "and its name is _Sandai Kitetsu_."

"Also wrong!" Chopper grinned.

"The tip of Sanji's cigarette." Zoro hadn't even said it like a question. Chopper blinked.

"You're right! You're an awesome guesser, Zoro!" The swordsman had correctly guessed five of the last seven targets chosen by the others. Of course, he usually guessed last, which narrowed it down considerably...

"I think you're cheating," Sanji grumbled.

"Prove it," Zoro smirked. He glanced around before settling on a target that brought a rare, genuine smile to his face. "I spy something blue."

"My shirt?" Sanji was getting bored with this game, as they were quickly running out of unique targets.

"Uh uh."

"The glass ball on the log pose?" Nami was getting restless, too.

"No."

"It's not my nose, is it?" Chopper sounded vaguely offended.

"No, Chopper, it's not." Zoro wished he could see his younger friend's face so he could gauge how truly upset the doctor was. "I wouldn't make fun of you for something like that. Hell, I have _green hair_."

"You mock my eyebrows," Sanji pointed out.

"_Because_ you usually make fun of something about me, first."

"What did I say about you two fighting?" Nami sighed. She was beginning to get a headache...

"Seemed like we were having a relatively civil discussion to me," Zoro shrugged.

"For us, anyway," Sanji clarified.

Then, Nami spotted something that almost made her forget about her impending migraine.

"I think I know what Zoro spied," she grinned. "Was it the sky?"

"Yes."

"_What_?" Sanji and Chopper chorused. Sure enough, in the distance there was an opening which showed a patch of clear, blue sky. It was difficult to tell how large the opening was from so far away, and it appeared to be at the top of an incline.

"Well," Sanji discarded his current smoke, grinding the butt out with the toe of his shoe as he contemplated the view, "do we want to go see if that's a way out, or keep following the stream?"

"We _know_ the stream will lead us outside eventually," Nami mused with a frustrated sigh, "but I am so sick of this stupid cave, it's not even funny!"

"I say we take a chance and check out the opening." Zoro, at least, had made up his mind. "Worst case scenario, we come back down and keep following the stream. All we lose is time."

"Those bounty hunters are still out there," Chopper reminded them soberly. "That one guy asked about Luffy. They think the rest of the crew is here, and they might be, by now. We need to get to them fast so we can warn them!"

"If that opening is large enough, it's definitely a faster way out than following the stream," Zoro argued.

"The problem," Nami countered, "is that we won't know how big it is until we've climbed all the way up there!"

Everyone stared at the opening, desperately trying to guess the size. The silhouette of a bird landed at the bottom of the opening. The profile showed it to be a seagull, and provided that it was of average seagull proportions, the hole was about three feet wide by about five and a half feet high. By silent, unanimous consent they all headed for the base of the incline.

The rock here was similar to the rocks at the other cave entrance, so climbing was difficult. Zoro was a decent anchoring point if one of the others slipped, but when he lost his own footing, the group was hard pressed not to slide backwards. When they reached the top of the slope sometime later, they were all more or less coated in a fine layer of pulverized rock.

After trying several different angles of approach, they slipped through the opening in the rock and out into rather painfully bright sunlight. Chopper sneezed, blowing a small cloud of rock dust out of Zoro's hair. He also sneezed. Nami wrinkled her nose in disgust before sneezing as well.

"What I wouldn't give for a long, hot shower," Nami sighed. "_Alone_," she specified, before Sanji could ask if she wanted company. Not that she had much choice at the moment. She shuddered at the thought. Glancing to the side, she noticed that the sleeve of her shirt was torn. "Damn! I really liked this shirt..."

"I bet it's your fault, shitty swordsman," Sanji growled. "It probably tore when we fell off that cliff!"

"How was that _my_ fault?" Zoro wondered indignantly. "_You're_ the one who leaned over! You're not going to make me pay for that, are you?" he addressed the last question to Nami.

"Maybe," she sing-songed in a teasing tone. "Actually, I think it tore when one of the bounty hunters tried to grab me."

"_What_?" Sanji wailed. "My poor, darling Nami-swan was molested by a filthy bounty hunter!"

"Do I need to cut his hands off if we run into him again?" Zoro asked with a scowl.

Nami was about to laugh at the question until she saw Zoro's expression and realized he was _completely serious_. "Guys, he was just trying to stop me from running away. There was absolutely no molesting involved! You can leave his hands where they are, Zoro. Jeez, what are you, my father?" Nami wished she could take that last comment back, but it was too late. Sanji heard and was laughing.

"We are _not_ having this conversation again," Zoro grumbled, his scowl darkening further.

"What conversation?" Chopper was confused. "Was I asleep?"

"It's _not_ important, Chopper," Zoro informed him. "Let's just get out of here."

"He's mad because we think he acts like a dad," Sanji grinned, knowing full well that Zoro couldn't really retaliate under the current circumstances.

"Shut up, asshole..."

"What's wrong with that, Zoro?" Chopper wondered. "I think it's nice. You make everybody feel safe and we can always count on you if we need you. You _are_ kind of like the crew dad."

"Not you too, Chopper! At the most, I'm more like an older brother."

"All right, all right," Nami silenced them all, "enough embarrassing Zoro for now."

They all scanned the immediate area. This cave opening came out in the middle of a hillside. Looking downhill they could see a pool of water where the spring broke the surface and continued on as a stream. Surrounding the pond was a small park area with picnic tables and a small viewpoint looking out over the ocean to the west. When the sun set shortly, the view would be breathtaking. A path led from the view point in two directions. One continued around the mountainside and out of sight, and the other toward-

"A town!" Chopper cried merrily. "Do you suppose it's the port?"

"If it is, that cave turned out to be a pretty good shortcut," Sanji mused.

The hike down the hillside was a great deal like the climb up the slope had been. They stopped to lean against the railing at the viewpoint to catch their breath.

"Oi," Zoro alerted the others, "someone's coming."

Nami realized that they were a rather suspicious looking group. It was entirely possible that the townspeople of this island knew the bounty hunters and about the devil fruit powers of the one man. She was really too tired to come up with a clever explanation, if anyone should ask. Instead, she said the first thing that popped into her head, going on instinct.

"Quick! Act casual!" They all gazed studiously out at the setting sun.

The approaching person turned out to be an elderly woman, pulling a small hand cart full of groceries behind her. She must live somewhere further around the mountain. The pirates all held their breath, hoping she would just keep walking. Unfortunately for them, this particular woman was chatty.

"Oh my! Didn't expect to run into anybody way out here. Tourists, hmm? Lovely view, isn't it? I love sunsets. Awfully romantic aren't they?" She took a quick look over the group. Her eyesight wasn't very good anymore, and she could only see them from behind. "It's so nice to see a young family spending time together. The little one, both parents, and, um, the..."

"Uncle?" Sanji offered.

"Ah, I see. How old is your little boy?"

Zoro and Nami looked at each other. Obviously, Chopper's real age wasn't going to work, but they were both still trying to get over the fact that not only did this woman think they were married, but that they had offspring.

"Two," Sanji contributed again. "Adorable little booger, isn't he?"

"That's a very cute outfit he's wearing," the lady rambled on. "Reindeer, is it? Is it real fur?"

Chopper was flattered that for once someone realized he was a reindeer and not just an ordinary deer, but he was also a little perturbed that he was assumed to be a toddler because of his size.

"Fur is _murder_!" he squeaked angrily. The woman backed away a little, eyes wide.

"Ha ha!" Nami's laugh was rather forced. "Kids say the darndest things, don't they?"

"My goodness!" The woman squinted at them again. "You're all covered in dirt!"

"We were hiking," Sanji explained. It wasn't exactly a lie.

"The rocks here are a little unstable," Zoro added. "We fell a few times." Also more or less true.

"Well, I hope you're all okay." The woman continued to back away, slowly heading for the path that continued around the mountain. "Good evening to you." She still seemed nervous and suspicious.

Nami was doing her best to drag the others in the opposite direction, but Zoro wasn't budging, and there wasn't much she could do about it. Instead, he swung the group around so he was facing the retreating woman and bowed his head forward.

"Thank you for your concern. Have a pleasant evening, ma'am."

Suddenly the woman was all smiles and continued on her way, chuckling about "that polite young man and his family." In a few moments, she was out of sight around a bend.

"The _hell_?" Sanji was stunned. "How'd you do that, marimo?"

"I dunno," Zoro conceded with a shrug. "Little, old ladies like me for some reason."

"Come on, activist toddler, 'Uncle Sanji,' and my old lady humoring 'husband.'" Nami rolled her eyes and tugged on Zoro's arm again. "Let's head into town."

"I wonder what everyone else has been doing?" Chopper pondered.

* * *

_Back on the Merry after the storm broke..._

"Phew! That sure was a crazy storm, huh?" Luffy laughed and grinned widely. The three remaining crew members had just spent several hours cleaning flotsam off the deck and fixing the rigging.

"How can you be so happy, Luffy? More than half of our crew went overboard!" Usopp was busy talking himself into a panic. "Chopper's a hammer! He might have drowned! What if there were sharks! Giant, man-eating sharks that could swallow you in a single gulp! Zoro's almost always bleeding from some kind of injury! That's like wearing a sign that says, 'Come eat me!' The others are okay swimmers, but fighting in the water is different than on land! Sanji's kicks are only half as strong in the water, remember?"

Luffy really only picked up on part of the sharpshooter's rant. "Giant, man-eating sharks? _Really_? Awesome! Could _we_ eat _them_?"

"It's really pointless trying to talk to you, you know that?" Usopp turned his attention to Robin, who was warming up with a mug of coffee. "Robin, _you_ understand why we should be worried, don't you?"

"While I certainly agree that the sea can be quite dangerous," Robin began in her usual calm tone, "I am sure that the others made it to safety. We were quite close to the island when the storm hit, and the tide _was_ in their favor."

"Yeah, Usopp, don't worry," Luffy was momentarily serious. "Zoro and Sanji are strong enough to protect them, Chopper's there if anyone gets hurt, and Nami can help them find their way if they're lost. We'll meet up with them at the island."

Luffy's unwavering faith in his friends had a tendency to inspire confidence in others. Usopp took a deep breath.

"I guess you're right..."

Then the broad, manic grin was back on the captain's face. "Yep! We _have_ to find Sanji soon, 'cause I'm _starving_!"

It took a while to make up the ground they had lost from being pushed back by the storm winds, not to mention being shorthanded, but the Going Merry began pulling into the port just before sundown. Luffy, of course, couldn't wait until they were fully docked before rocketing himself to shore, dragging a protesting Usopp along by an overall strap. Robin summoned extra arms to help with the final docking, a small smile gracing her face at her captain's antics.

An open air market was set up in a square adjacent to the docks, and the archaeologist quickly caught up to Usopp and Luffy, the latter flitting from booth to booth with his usual exuberance.

"What's over here? Fruit? Aw, man... Where's the meat? Ooh... What's that over _there_?"

"Easy, Luffy," Usopp was making a valiant effort to keep the bottomless pit with a short attention span that was Luffy in check. The chronic liar had a fistful of the back of the rubber man's red vest in his right hand. "We don't have very much money because Nami is the only one who knows the combination to our safe."

"Right, then! Food later, adventure _now_! Well... Snack now, too!" He grabbed an apple from a nearby stall, tossing the only coin he had on his person to the seller. The apple disappeared, core and all, into Luffy's mouth. "Let's go exploring and find the others!" Usopp dug in his heels, but was nevertheless dragged along behind his captain.

"Are you coming with us, Robin?"

Robin, however, had been distracted by the display in the window of a nearby book and antique shop. The collection was impressive, and the shop owner might have additional information besides that which was already on exhibit.

"Go on without me, Long Nose-kun, Captain-san," she waved at them absently. "I think I'll be staying here for a little while." She entered the small shop without another word.

Usopp sulked. He hated being stuck with the Luffy detail, but there was no other choice at the moment. With a sigh, he tightened his grip on Luffy's vest and tried to match the other boy's pace.

They rounded a corner and Usopp let out a panicked gasp, dragging Luffy back around the building.

"What's wrong, Usopp?"

Usopp held a finger to his lips and peeked back around the corner. Luffy followed suit.

"See that building over there?" Usopp whispered. "That's a marine outpost! See the flag? We can't just waltz past there!"

"Why would we be dancing?" Luffy frowned.

"I _mean_ we can't let them _see_ us! You have a huge bounty, remember?"

"Oh yeah. But I wanna search for Zoro and the others some more!"

"Fear not, my friend! The Great Captain Usopp is a master of disguise!" He glanced around, spotting a secondhand clothing and, conveniently enough, costume store across the way. He had a few beli of spending money in his pocket, which might be just enough. He yanked on Luffy's shirt to get him to follow, and they dashed across the street and into the shop.

They emerged again, several moments later, in some rather unusual garb. It never occurred to Usopp that bizarre disguises might draw just as much attention as Luffy did anyway.

Usopp was wearing a pair of large, dark sunglasses, a black cape, and white gloves. If he had a top hat, he would look like some kind of odd street magician. He flipped the cape back dramatically and posed.

"Let us commence the Amazing Undercover Adventure of the Great Captain Usopp!"

Luffy was wearing a floppy, red hat with a feather over the top of his usual straw hat, and a red coat with gold braiding. He had also found a fake, shaggy, black mustache. He, too, struck a dramatic pose.

"Hey, look, Usopp! I'm Gold Roger! Hee hee..."

"Shh! Don't draw attention to us," Usopp chided in a rather hypocritical fashion. As if people weren't staring at the two already.

They strutted past the front of the marine outpost just as a group of three people were about to go in the door. One of them, a woman in a bandolier stared at them with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, Dagger, Dirk! Do those two seem familiar to you at all?"

"Well," Dirk considered, "that one looks a little bit like Gol D. Roger. But just a _little_."

"We don't have time for this sort of thing!" Dagger rolled his eyes. "We have to find out if the marines know that the Straw Hat Pirates are here, yet. If they do, we're likely to miss out on the bounties."

Dart continued to watch as the two suspicious characters rounded a corner.

"I swear I've seen the back of that head before somewhere..." She shrugged and followed her brothers into the outpost.


	4. Reunions, Marines, and Bounty Hunters

**Disclaimer:** Everyone and everything you recognize is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda, with additional rights owned by Shonen Jump, Toei, and probably others. Dirk, Dagger, and Dart (an homage to "The Court Jester" which I also do not own) are mine, as is the Glue Glue Fruit. At least, as far as I know...  
**Spoilers:** Through Arabasta. There isn't anything in particular in this part, to my knowledge, but just in case...  
**Warnings:** More swearing and some violence. Shame on me. There will probably also be abundant OOC, but hey, it's fanfic. No one but Oda can truly write them IC. Robin especially may be off, as I am least familiar with her, which is why she is frequently and conspicuously absent.  
**Dedications:** To my youngest sister. I included your request, but probably not how you meant it!

**Part 4- Reunions, Marines, and Bounty Hunters, Oh My!**

"I _still_ can't believe that old lady's first assumption was that my angelic Nami-swan was married to an ugly dolt like _you._" Sanji had been ranting almost nonstop on the walk down to the port town. At first, the others had found it amusing, but he was starting to get annoying.

"It was a pretty reasonable conclusion," Zoro attempted to explain for the umpteenth time. "Think about it. If you walked up on a woman gazing at the sunset while clinging to a man's arm, wouldn't you think they had a romantic connection of some kind?"

"As much as I hate it," Chopper added, "I can understand why somebody would think I'm a child, and if you already thought those two were a couple, why not think I'm _their _kid?"

"How about because Nami has _much_ better taste in men and would have _far_ less hairy babies?" Sanji scoffed.

"Well, _that_ was unnecessarily hurtful," Zoro protested with a scowl. "Chopper can't help that he's really a reindeer."

"It's okay," Chopper dismissed the comment with a shrug, "I _am_ hairy!"

"I like how you completely ignored the fact that he insulted you, too," Nami chuckled, one eyebrow quirked.

"Actually, I mostly just tune him out unless I feel like an argument," Zoro admitted. "It's just like how I tune everything out when I train, only a little more targeted."

Zoro could feel all of the muscles in Sanji's back as they moved along. Speaking of training...

"Oi, love cook, can I ask you a question?"

"The answer is 'no,'" Sanji snapped.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask!"

"Seeing as it's _you_," Sanji retorted, rolling his eyes, not that anyone could see it, "I figure 'no' is a pretty safe bet."

"It's not even a yes or no question."

"_Fine_. What?"

"I know you must do some training on your own, but I never see you at it, and you never ask to borrow any weights or anything... I guess what I really want to know is when, where, and how?"

"Not that it _any of your business_, but I train in the galley. Mostly stretches and some isometric exercises and usually while I'm waiting for something to finish cooking. I do a lot of my training while I'm baking."

"Ah, I see." Zoro considered the information. "That explains a few things."

"Yeah? Like what?" Sanji was curious despite himself.

"Why the girls get so many baked goods after I have the upper hand more often in one of our spars, for example. I always thought it was a comfort food thing..."

"I noticed that, too!" Nami nodded.

"_What_? You never win our fights! Why would I train more after that?"

"Bullshit." Zoro was deeply amused by the bristling chef. "I do the same thing! Don't tell me you haven't noticed that I up my training time after you get in more hits than usual."

"Stop laughing, bastard! What brought this on, anyway?"

"I was going to suggest that you focus more on your core muscles. I expected you to have an impressive upper back, what with all the handstands, but with the amount of twisting you do, you need to be careful not to strain anything else. Didn't you already hurt your back when we were on Drum Island?"

"Zoro's right!" Chopper wailed. "Oh no! Why didn't I think of that? A previous injury means it's more likely that you could hurt yourself again!"

"Breathe, Chopper." Sanji shook his head. "I'm fine. What is this, marimo, an offer to be my personal trainer?"

"Do you want me to be?"

"I was _joking_."

"I wasn't," Zoro shrugged it off, "but whatever. Don't come crying to me when you snap your spine. If there's one thing I'm an authority on, it's training. Well, training and swords."

"And drinking," Nami chimed in.

"Sleeping," Sanji grunted.

"Pain," Chopper added.

Zoro decided not to grace these additions with a response. There was a brief moment of silence, with the exception of Chopper softly lamenting the state of Sanji's back health.

"So, can anybody take you up on that training offer?" Nami asked. "It couldn't hurt for me to get in better fighting shape. Plus, I need to maintain my figure, what with all of Sanji's goodies."

"Uh, sure, I guess."

"Fine! Then, I'm training, too!" Sanji declared. "I can't leave you alone with that shitty swordsman, all sweaty and half-naked, Nami-san!"

"_Excuse_ me?" Zoro was indignant.

"Oh please," Nami scoffed, "I see Zoro half-naked and sweaty all the time." Suddenly everything was dead silent, and Nami could feel her face reddening. "That came out wrong..."

"Oh look," Chopper's voice broke the awkward silence, his tone full of forced cheer, "we've made it to town!"

It was rather obvious to an outside observer that they were stuck to one another as long as they were moving. They looked a little suspicious standing still too, but they didn't draw nearly as much attention. They kept to side streets and alleyways as much as possible, moving when the coast was clear and freezing when people passed them. All was going relatively smoothly until Sanji thought he spotted two rather familiar figures.

"Was that Usopp and Luffy?"

"_Where_?" Zoro turned to look while Nami tried to turn in the opposite direction, and Sanji, having forgotten that he was facing the opposite direction from everyone else, didn't voluntarily move at all. The group fell in an awkward heap, knocking over the display in front of a small shop in the process.

An old man hobbled outside, shaking a scrawny fist in the air. "Vandals! Hooligans!" He was surprisingly loud for such a tiny, shriveled soul. "Look what you've done!"

"We're very sor-" Nami started, but was cut off.

"Everything is ruined!" The ranting shop owner was beginning to draw a small crowd of onlookers, including a passing marine patrol. From their reaction, it was apparent that they had recognized Zoro.

"Ah, shit," Zoro grumbled, as they scrambled rather ungracefully to their feet, "I don't think I can fight like this."

"I can," Sanji informed him, "sort of. I can still kick, if you face me in the right direction." They moved away from the storefront and into the more open space of the street. The five marines in the patrol eyed them warily. Each was armed with a cutlass, but they left them sheathed. The soldiers fanned out to surround their quarry.

"Surrender quietly," one marine practically begged, "or we'll be obliged to use force."

"Zoro," Sanji calmly ordered, "turn around and lean forward." When the swordsman complied, the fighting chef executed a split kick, knocking two of their opponents back. "Oblige _that_."

When Zoro stood back upright, he saw two more marines rushing toward them.

"Nami, knee up!" Nami did as asked, and Zoro swung her through the air, slamming her raised right knee into the temple of one of the marines. He went down like a ton of bricks. Nami took down the other with a well aimed kick between his legs. The last marine gaped, eyes wide, then turned tail and ran.

"He's probably running for reinforcements," Sanji observed.

"There's no way we're catching up to him like this!" Zoro scowled. "Besides, it looks like we've got other problems."

Knee-to-the-head was still down for the count, but the other three marines had made it back to their feet, swords now drawn.

"Any ideas?" Nami asked. To her surprise, she wasn't answered by a crew mate she expected.

"Gum gum gatling gun!" A hail of rubbery fists surrounded the small group, sending the marines flying down the street.

"_Luffy_?" they all chorused.

"_There_ you guys are! We were worried!" Luffy grinned from a short ways down the street, stretching his arms out to place his hands on Zoro's shoulders.

"Uh oh," the green-haired man groaned. "Brace yourselves everybody..."

"Gum gum rocket!" The captain's exuberant greeting almost knocked them down again. Usopp hurried over on foot.

"How come you guys are all huddled together?" the sharpshooter wondered aloud.

"No time to explain now." Nami glanced to either side, dreading the approach of more marines. "We need to get off the street. By the way, what the hell are you guys wearing?"

"Disguises!" Luffy smiled broadly.

"Whose dumbass idea was _that_?" Sanji looked pointedly at Usopp.

"Smoke star!" With a flourish, Usopp launched one of his special attacks, and the group disappeared into an alley in a cloud of smoke that also conveniently hid the marksman's embarrassment.

After a brief discussion, they decided to work their way to the edge of town and keep to the outskirts until they reached the port area. The plan seemed to be working well, since they hadn't run into any more marines. Unfortunately, they crossed a road leading out of town just as the trio of bounty hunters were heading back home. The Straw Hats didn't notice the three siblings but were immediately spotted themselves.

"Look," Dirk called as he pointed, "their captain _is_ here! I knew it!"

"Let's not do anything stupid," Dart cautioned. "They have us outnumbered."

"Not if we count the four stuck together as one," Dagger reasoned. Dart rolled her eyes.

"I forgot how useless it is to tell you two not to do anything stupid..."

"What if we ambush them?" Dagger wasn't keen on letting the pirates and their associated bounties slip away again.

"I think we should just head back home and come up with a _real_ plan. You know," the female bounty hunter sneered, "one with actual _planning_ involved."

"What do you think, Dirk?" Dagger looked over to where their younger brother had been standing until very recently. "Dirk? Crap."

"When we find him," Dart growled, "I'm going to kill him."

* * *

As the pirates walked along, Chopper took the opportunity to explain their predicament. He was thrilled to be telling a story to Usopp for once and not the other way around. After reaching a basic understanding of the situation, "Ah, so it's a mystery glue," Luffy had become bored and started to wander a little from the main group. The others tried to make sure someone kept him within their line of sight.

The young captain was able to keep himself entertained by his surroundings. Interesting and colorful bugs lived in the grass along the road on which they were walking. Strange flowers and other plants dotted the landscape as well. A few odd, twisted trees huddled together in small clusters. Then there was that weird guy that looked like he was trying to hide and follow them at the same time...

"Oi!" Luffy called, waving cheerily. "What are you doing?"

Realizing, rather belatedly, that he was by no means well hidden, Dirk strode out from the underbrush with every ounce of bravado he could muster. At least out here there were no doors to ambush him like that embarrassing situation back at the office!

"Monkey D. Luffy," he thundered, pointing dramatically at said pirate, "I've come for your bounty!"

"Oh!" Realization dawned on Luffy and his smile widened. "So you wanna fight?" He rotated his right arm to loosen up the shoulder joint. "Let's go!" Dirk was happy to oblige.

"Flypaper!" The bounty hunter launched a wave of glue at the ground near Luffy's feet. The rubber boy hopped back out of the way and prepared to hit his opponent with a gum gum pistol. However, the others had noticed the fight, and Zoro latched onto Luffy's wrist when it stretched backward. The swordsman planted his feet, and with the added weight of three additional crew members, the rest of the captain's body was forced to follow his hand.

"Hey! What'd you do that for, Zoro?" Luffy pouted. "I could've taken that guy out, no problem!"

"That's the guy that stuck us together," Chopper explained.

"He's _mine_," Zoro growled through clenched jaws.

Meanwhile, Dirk had started to follow his rubber quarry. "No fair running away! Get back here, you..." He trailed off as he noticed he had just walked into his own trap from earlier. His feet were quite securely stuck to the ground. "What cruel irony." He looked up to find himself in close proximity to a very angry Zoro. Nami was pretty displeased herself, Chopper was managing to look threatening despite his inherently adorable face, and Sanji, who was not visible, also bore a scowl.

"How do we get unstuck?" Zoro demanded. Dirk swallowed audibly, but refused to answer with a shake of his head. Zoro's right hand shot forward, slightly unsettling the navigator attached to it, and grabbed a fistful of the front of the bounty hunter's shirt. "_How?_"

Dirk still wasn't talking, but Nami was beginning to suspect that now it wasn't just stubbornness-he was paralyzed by fear.

"Uh, Zoro?" She squeezed his arm lightly to get his attention. "You might want to back off just a little..." His grip didn't loosen, but he turned to look at her.

"Make me," he growled, but then he winked at her with the eye his captive couldn't see. Nami was momentarily confused, but then she caught on to the plan: good pirate, bad pirate.

"I will if I have to," she countered. She turned her attention back to the quaking man stuck to the ground. "I'd tell him what he wants to know, if I were you. He's still in control enough to use words right now, but in a few minutes, who knows..."

"He's too strong for us to hold back if he really wants to kill you." Sanji had always been good at picking up on Nami's train of thought. It also helped that he compulsively agreed with everything she said.

"Let Dirk go, or your friend gets it!"

They all turned to the left, Sanji's right, to see that Dagger and Dart had arrived. Dagger was holding a shaking Usopp in a full nelson while Dart held a knife to his throat.

"Is it bad that we didn't notice Usopp was missing?" Zoro wondered absently.

"Usopp, you idiot," Nami fumed, "what did you go and get yourself captured for?"

"I wasn't _trying_ to get captured," Usopp defended himself peevishly. "It just sort of happened."

"I said, let him go!" Dart repeated, pushing the tip of her blade deep enough into Usopp's neck that he let out a whimper.

"Even if I let go," Zoro replied without loosening his death grip on Dirk's shirt, "he's stuck where he is."

Dagger rolled his eyes. "You glued yourself to the ground again, didn't you?"

"Again?" Sanji snorted. "Does this happen often?"

"You have no idea."

"Everybody shut up!" Dart snapped. "Back away from our idiot, and we'll let yours go!"

"Why should we trust you?" Nami's eyes narrowed. "How do we know you'll really let him go?"

"We have no reason to keep a pirate without a bounty," Dart reasoned. She was starting to calm down again.

"One more condition," Sanji lazily lit a cigarette. "You guys quit hassling us. Just let us leave."

"_Two_ conditions." Zoro gave Dirk a little shake for emphasis. "Your idiot also has to tell us how to get unstuck."

"He doesn't know." Dart sighed. "It eventually wears off on its own. However, we _will_ let you go. Clearly," she glared at each of her brothers, "we're outmatched."

Zoro looked to Luffy. "Well, Captain?"

"If we say, 'yes,' we get Usopp back, right? He's our _nakama_, after all."

"We agree," Nami translated. "On the count of three. One."

Dart pulled her knife away from Usopp's neck.

"Two."

Dagger's grip loosened just a bit. Zoro's grip also released ever so slightly.

"Three."

The pirates backed away from the trapped bounty hunter, and Dagger pushed Usopp forward and away from himself. The liar hurried over to his friends as the siblings walked over to Dirk. The thoroughly embarrassed man crouched down and began unlacing his boots. He lost more nice footwear this way...

"Don't worry, you guys." Usopp was eager to show his gratitude. "I can help you get unstuck! Why, when I was four, I fought off giant slugs that secreted super-sticky slime!"

"Really, Usopp?" Chopper was entranced.

"Well," Usopp amended, noting the glares he was receiving from everyone but Chopper and Luffy, "I _have_ glued my fingers together before. I know some tricks we can try when we get back to the Going Merry."

"At this point," Nami confessed, "I think we're willing to try just about anything! By the way, where's Robin?"


	5. Waiting for Godot, Er, I Mean, Robin!

**Disclaimer:** Everyone and everything you recognize is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda, with additional rights owned by Shonen Jump, Toei, and probably others. Dirk, Dagger, and Dart (an homage to "The Court Jester" which I also do not own) are mine, as is the Glue Glue Fruit. At least, as far as I know... I don't own the play "Waiting for Godot," which title I shamelessly maimed. The fish face song belongs to one of my sisters. I wish you could hear it, but you'll just have to use your imaginations.  
**Spoilers:** Through Arabasta. Whiskey Peak reference! I love those episodes...  
**Warnings:** Mostly just more swearing, although there is a wee bit o' violence and a tiny bit of naughtiness. I can't seem to help myself! There will probably also be abundant OOC, but hey, it's fanfic. No one but Oda can truly write them IC. Robin especially may be off, as I am least familiar with her, which is why she is frequently and conspicuously absent.  
**Dedications:** To my fish face sister: I included it, because after some thought, it's probably something they actually _would_ do. Also, to all the very, very patient people who waited inordinate amounts of time for me to get my act together.

**Part 5- Waiting for Godo-I mean, Robin!**

After negotiating their way around the town and back to the port, it only took Usopp a few minutes to find the shop where he and Luffy had last seen Robin. Unfortunately, she was no longer there.

"I'm terribly sorry," the shopkeeper explained with a cheery smile, despite his rather off-putting news, "but that lovely lady has gone to look at the ruins around the mountain. We had a delightful discussion about the civilization which once inhabited the site. She told me to tell you that she would meet you back here at my shop. You are more than welcome to come wait inside."

"It's getting dark. Maybe she'll be back really soon," Usopp offered optimistically.

"Ah, well, you see," the shopkeeper continued happily, quashing another ray of hope, "she borrowed a lantern, as the sun was already beginning to set when she departed."

Nami glanced warily up and down the street. There was no sign of marines. Yet.

"Yes, I think we _will_ wait inside. Thank you."

"Splendid! Please, follow me."

The interior of the shop was dimly lit and packed near to bursting with items. They appeared to be arranged by type. A cluster of large bookshelves to the right of the door held row upon row of books, ranging from recent texts to obviously ancient tomes. To the left of the entrance were more shelves full of dishes, statuettes, and other knickknacks. Display tables holding various other kinds of goods filled most of the remaining area, leaving narrow pathways between. It was probably pure dumb luck that the glued group managed to make it to the back of the shop without breaking anything. A small collection of furniture was arranged into a sitting area in the back, grouped around a rather unique, turtle-shaped coffee table with a large bowl of wax fruit resting on it.

"Could I interest you in some tea and sandwiches?" the shopkeeper offered. He was greeted by a chorus of growling stomachs, followed by a chorus of voices.

"FOOD!"

"Yes, please!"

"That sounds amazing..."

"Thank you _so_ much!"

"We would really appreciate it."

"That's very kind of you."

To his credit, the man's cheery expression never once faltered under the sudden barrage. "Please, have a seat. Make yourselves comfortable." He disappeared through a door into what must be living quarters attached to his shop.

Nami located a bench seat that they managed to just fit on comfortably. If the seat had been any shorter, she would have had to sit in Zoro's lap, and that was more awkwardness that they simply didn't need. She briefly had a mental image of Zoro asking her, "And what do you want for Christmas, little girl?" It was so ludicrous she couldn't help a snort.

"What's funny?" Zoro asked casually.

"You would be the worst Santa _ever._" He gave her an odd look and went back to scanning their surroundings. "You asked..." she mumbled and glanced over at Usopp and Luffy.

"This coffee table reminds me of the time I saved an entire family of giant tortoises from evil poachers when I was just five years old," Usopp boasted to an entranced Luffy.

"Do poached tortoises taste like poached eggs?" the captain inquired eagerly.

"Not that kind of poaching!" Usopp scowled at the interruption.

"Not really, no," Sanji answered at the same time. He was a chef, so no one was going to second guess him.

"_Anyways_," the teller of tall tales started up again, "the _illegal hunters_ were going to capture the tortoises and sell them-"

"For _meat_?"

"Quit butting in!" Usopp reached out and squeezed Luffy's face. His cheeks squished inward and his lips were pushed into a very funny... "Fish face!" Usopp laughed.

Luffy quickly responded by doing the same to Usopp's face. "Nobody likes a fish face!"

Within moments, both were singing an improvised song:

"Fish face, fish face! Nobody likes a fiiish faaace..."

"Me too, me too!" Chopper was feeling left out of the fun. Sanji rolled his eyes but obligingly reached a hand up to squish the reindeer's face for him.

"Try and keep the volume down a little, guys," Nami cautioned. "We're safe in here for now, but we don't want to draw any unnecessary attention."

Usopp and Luffy turned their heads toward her simultaneously, faces still held in their squeezed state. "_Fish face!_" they chorused in a stage whisper. Everyone but Zoro, who maintained a straight face through sheer force of will, joined in the laughter that followed.

The bell at the front entrance tinkled, signaling the entrance of a shopper. The woman warily glanced over at the hysterical group before deciding to stay at the front of the store.

"Oi! You guys heard Nami," Zoro scolded under his breath as he gave the suspicious woman a sidelong look. "Keep it down. That lady's staring."

"Party pooper!" Luffy pouted.

"Sorry," Usopp added sarcastically. "We'll try to behave ourselves, _dad_."

"Shut. Your. _Mouth_!" Zoro bit out through clenched teeth while giving Usopp Death Glare Number Five: "Go ahead, give me a reason."

"W-what'd I say?" Usopp peeked out from behind an overstuffed chair.

"Zoro's a little sensitive about dad comments." Sanji winked and gave Usopp Mischievous Grin Number Two: "I'll tell you all about it later..."

"Bite me, love cook," Zoro growled. "Don't think that just 'cause I can't see you that I don't know that's Mischievous Grin Number Two."

"Number _Two_?" Sanji raised an eyebrow. "May I ask what Number One is?"

"Number One is: 'I've just done something to your food. Bet you can't guess what.'"

"I would never waste food!" Sanji protested.

"Relax," Zoro sighed and shook his head. "We all know you'd never do anything _really_ bad to our food. I always eat it anyway."

"Zoro eats stuff off the ground!" Luffy chimed.

"I only did that once, and I had a good reason!" Zoro could feel judging eyes on him. "I _did!_"

"Was this 'good reason' a girl?" Sanji teased.

"How did you know?" Luffy wondered.

"_What_? Really?"

"It's not like you're thinking," Zoro grumbled and resigned himself to explaining. "This happened right around the same time I met Luffy."

The rest of the crew, minus Luffy, who had actually _been there_, were all ears. Zoro wasn't exactly the talkative sort, and even if he did talk, he always tried to keep away from personal topics. This was a rare opportunity that his crew wouldn't miss for the world. Luffy was finding his own means of entertainment again...

"So," Zoro wrapped up his story a short time later, "I figured the least I could do was eat the damn rice balls. So I had Luffy scrape them up for me."

"Zoro," Nami gave his arm a squeeze, "that is so-"

"Nami, I swear on the last remaining fragment of my patience that if you say, 'sweet,' somebody is going to _die_."

"Oh _good!_" Sanji's voice dripped sarcasm. "For a minute there, I was afraid you'd gone soft on us."

"Shut up, bastard!"

"So," Usopp worked up the courage to ask, "how were they?"

"Gritty."

"Speaking of food," Sanji mused, craning his neck to look at the door to the back, "what's taking that guy so long? What, is he growing the tea himself?"

Food made Zoro think of Luffy, who he now realized had been suspiciously quiet for quite some time. He looked to his captain, who gazed right back with bulging cheeks and a guilty expression, then down to the now empty bowl on the coffee table, and back again.

"_Luffy!_ Get those out of your mouth right now! That fruit isn't for eating!"

"Buh, Zowo..." The rubber boy gave him his best kicked puppy expression.

"Don't give me that face! Spit them out! Do I have to come over there?"

"No..."

Luffy began removing various wax fruit from his mouth and Zoro did a mental inventory as the now slimy decorative pieces were placed back in the bowl. He noted one pineapple, three bananas, two oranges, two apples, green grapes, red grapes, and a pear. Zoro cleared his throat meaningfully. A few more red grapes, another pear, and a lemon soon joined the display. Now satisfied, Zoro began to look away but snapped his attention back as a hand crept slowly toward the bowl again.

"I'm watching you, mister! Usopp!" The sharpshooter flinched guiltily at Zoro's rebuke. "What's the matter with you? You're sitting _right there_! I'm very disappointed."

Zoro's face paled as he took in what he'd just been doing.

"Not a word, you guys." He sighed disgustedly and covered his face with his right hand. "Even _I_ heard it that time." There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Say, Luffy." Usopp, master of diverting attention and changing the subject stepped into the conversational void. "Do you know where wax fruit comes from?"

"Uh uh." Luffy brightened instantly at the prospect of a story. "Where?"

"In a far corner of the West Blue is a tiny island made entirely of wax."

"Really, Usopp?" Chopper had been sucked in as well. "Awesome!"

"It's true! All the plants and animals are wax too. People can't survive there, but villagers from the next island travel there to harvest the fruit to sell."

"Have you been there?" Chopper bounced up and down in his excitement, starry-eyed.

"I helped save the fruit harvest when I was four years old! The wax animal population had gotten too high, and they were eating all the fruit!"

"Weren't there any wax predators?" Zoro quirked an eyebrow.

"Don't encourage him, moron." Sanji elbowed the swordsman.

"No," Usopp answered, totally ignoring Sanji's objection. "At least, not before _I_ got there! I used my superior wax crafting skills to mold some out of the special island wax. I had to make a very precise number and set up a plan to maintain the population to prevent future disasters!"

"My," Nami teased with a roll of her eyes and a suppressed snicker, "what a worldly-wise young man you were."

"Of course!" Usopp scoffed and Luffy and Chopper nodded in agreement.

"So sorry for the long wait!" The shopkeeper shuffled through the door with a tray laden with a tea set and a heaping plate of sandwiches. "I had to run out for fresh bread."

"I certainly hope we haven't been too much trouble for you, sir," a familiar voice sounded from the shop entrance.

"Robin!" Nami desperately wished she could hug the other woman. She seriously needed a little girl time.

"I see we have all found each other again. Shall we head back to the Merry?"

"Of course, Robin-chwan," Sanji beamed. He hadn't realized the extent of his Robin withdrawal until he had seen her again. "Whatever you say! First though, I think we should all have some of these sandwiches."

"What sandwiches do you mean, Cook-san?"

Everyone turned back from looking at Robin to a now very empty tray. The only remaining traces of the sandwiches were a few crumbs around Luffy's mouth. These were soon taken care of with a swipe of his tongue.

"Hey, Sanji," the ever oblivious captain addressed his chef, "when's dinner?"

Sanji's sudden, inhuman strength, which allowed him to haul the others stuck to him with him as he attempted to stomp upon Luffy, was later attributed to a combination of stress and adrenaline.

* * *

The crew made it back to the ship without further incident. Robin had furled the mainsail and brought down the flag when she docked the vessel, so it gave no overt impression of its piratical nature. This plan appeared to be working so far, but just to be safe, they pulled out a short distance from the shore and dropped anchor for the night.

True to his word, Usopp had several ideas to unstick his crew mates, but none of them panned out. Freezing was impractical. Nami's nail polish remover smelled too strong for Chopper's sensitive nose, and Sanji refused to ruin a good suit jacket with it anyway. His final suggestion of olive oil earned him a kick in the head from Sanji and an admonishment not to "waste perfectly good and damned expensive ingredients" on this sort of thing. Dart had told them it would eventually wear off on its own, so they decided to wait. The conversation did, however, remind Sanji that they were all still hungry.

The ship's cook was surprised by how calming it was just standing in the galley of the Going Merry. True, the situation was far from perfect, as he was still stuck to three other members of the crew, but he felt comfortable here. This area of the ship was his domain, after all. Luffy might be the captain in all other matters, but in the kitchen, Sanji was the boss.

"Right," he spoke his thoughts aloud, "what are our options for dinner?"

"That's right." Nami frowned. "We never did any supply shopping! How bad is it?"

"Not too bad, Nami-san," Sanji hurried to reassure her. "We have sufficient supplies. I just won't be able to make anything very elaborate."

"Food's food," Zoro shrugged. "We're not picky. You make it, we'll eat it."

"I _know_ that," Sanji shook his head in disdain, "but I'm a professional chef. I like being able to create whatever I can imagine. I _don't_ like having to settle for _ordinary_." He spat out the last word like it tasted bad.

"Sanj-kun," Nami insisted with a chuckle, "trust me, _nothing_ you make is merely ordinary!"

"Nami-swan is so supportive and reassuring!" Sanji cooed.

The chef finally decided on a stew in which he could combine the small remaining stocks of several ingredients. Gathering the items and utensils necessary took a little extra effort due to the glue situation, but soon Sanji was happily absorbed in cooking. He had assigned the others a side dish, mostly to keep them out of his hair. They had a variety of relatively fresh vegetables, so he had selected _crudités_.

"Crude _what?_" Zoro immediately asked.

"It's a simple dish of sliced vegetables and a sauce or dressing for dipping. I'll take care of the dressing once I have the stew started. All I need you to do is cut up these vegetables. Even _you_ should be able to handle that. Especially with Nami-san supervising."

"So, why didn't you just say, 'sliced vegetables with dressing?' What do you have to be all fancy-schmancy for?"

"Presentation is important, and that includes what you call things," Sanji had informed the culinarily oblivious swordsman. He felt Zoro shrug and nothing more had been said about it. Now that he took a moment to listen, Sanji noted that Zoro appeared to be carrying on two completely independent conversations with Nami and Chopper at the same time.

"So you'll really help me with training?" Nami asked warily.

"Only if you promise to take it seriously."

"A reindeer! Make a reindeer now!" Chopper giggled.

"A reindeer, huh? That's tricky. Let me think about it."

"You mean, seriously like _you_ do, seriously?" Nami pictured her head on a Miss Monday body and shuddered.

"I mean, if you start, you can't just quit when it gets difficult," Zoro clarified. Sanji could tell from his tone that he was focusing on something else while he spoke. Not for the first time, he wished he wasn't facing away from the others. "You have to promise to hang in there, and I don't want to hear any whining! How's that, Chopper?"

"Hee hee! Cauliflower antlers! Can you make a snake?"

"I don't _whine_." Nami sniffed indignantly.

"Of course you don't." A laughing tone underscored Zoro's words.

"You know," Nami decided a little retaliatory provocation was in order, "you could do to be a little less serious about everything. A little fun wouldn't kill you."

"How do _you_ know?" Zoro fired back. "It might. Anything is possible. Also, just so you know, I _do _have fun sometimes. There you go, Chopper, a snake."

"So cool! What about an octopus?"

"What _are_ you doing?" Sanji could no longer contain his curiosity.

"I got bored just chopping the veggies," Zoro explained, "so I started carving them into shapes. You know, 'presentation' and all that."

"You're carving with your right hand? I thought you were left-handed..."

"I'm ambidextrous. My fighting style requires that both arms and hands be equally strong and capable."

"Wow, meat-head, that's a big word for you," Sanji taunted.

"Very funny, crap-cook... You know you're an ass, right?"

"Can I see these vegetable carvings?" With a putout sigh, Zoro turned so that Sanji could see the vegetable tray.

As loath as he was to admit it, Sanji had to concede that Zoro's vegetable art wasn't half bad. A strange and varied menagerie of creatures stood in a circle around the still empty dressing bowl in the center of the tray. Some of the smaller animals were all one piece, but others had been assembled from several parts using a surprisingly effective peg and hole method. The chef picked up the reindeer for a closer look and gave a guilty start when one of the cauliflower antlers came loose.

"Shit!"

"What? What happened? Did you break something?"

"No!" Sanji frantically attempted to replace the appendage. "That was an, uh, _admiring_ 'shit.' You know, like, 'Shit, those are pretty good.'"

"You suck at lying." Zoro rolled his eyes. "Chopper, what's the damage?"

"Hmm..." Chopper turned his head to look. "No! _Not the reindeer!_"

The sudden, dismayed shout startled the guilty cook, and the small chunk of vegetable flew up into the air. Sanji, Chopper, and Nami, who had also turned to look, watched the piece of cauliflower sail in a graceful arc that ended right down the front of Nami's shirt. She gave an affronted gasp.

"Dammit, Sanji!" She scowled at him. "I can't even pull it out with my hands stuck like this!"

"Allow me to assist you, Nami-swan!" Sanji reached a hand back, fingers wiggling and hearts in his eyes.

Nami snorted in disgust and slapped his hand away. Everyone blinked. Nami stared at her hand in wonder and then slowly stepped away from Zoro's arm, Chopper hopped down from his perch, and Zoro and Sanji moved apart. They all stared at each other for a moment in silence before the reality finally hit them.

"Free!" Sanji crowed, twirling around arms spread wide.

"Finally!" Nami stretched out her own arms. "That feels _so _nice!"

"Hurray!" Chopper hopped up and down. "We're unstuck!"

"I feel lighter," Zoro noted. "No offense," he hastily added as Nami glared daggers at him.

"Feel however you want, just do it somewhere else." Sanji ushered the others out of the galley. He was looking forward to some serious alone time, and he wasn't the only one.


	6. Return to What Passes for Normal

**Disclaimer:** Everyone and everything you recognize is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda, with additional rights owned by Shonen Jump, Toei, and probably others. Dirk, Dagger, and Dart (an homage to "The Court Jester" which I also do not own) are mine, as is the Glue Glue Fruit. At least, as far as I know...  
**Spoilers:** Through Arabasta. Barely anything in this part, though.  
**Warnings:** Lo, she did continue to use foul language and extremely mild violence. There will probably also be abundant OOC, but hey, it's fanfic. No one but Oda can truly write them IC. Robin especially may be off, as I am least familiar with her, which is why she is frequently and conspicuously absent. Also, I firmly believe in recycling. So, if you skipped certain parts of certain chapters for certain reasons, it could certainly _seem_ new. Worry not, though! I promise it's very tame!  
**Dedications:** To everyone who stuck with this story all the way through. Many, many thanks! Especially to all who reviewed!

**Part 6- Return to What Passes for Normal**

Sanji smiled and took a deep breath, holding it in and savoring the silence of the galley. Yep, quiet was great! He didn't miss having constant company _at all_. No, sir.

It was all of five minutes before he started humming to himself to fill the void.

He tasted the stew and contemplated what flavors were missing. Did he want to add a little kick, or go for subtle, but well-rounded? He opened his mouth to ask for an opinion but realized, yet again, that he was voluntarily alone. Since when did he ask for help with his cooking anyway?

He put a hand to his chin in thought, leaned backward, and almost fell unceremoniously on his rear. Oh yeah, he didn't have a belligerent mass of muscle glued to his back anymore.

What was wrong with him? The small group had only been attached to each other for one day! It shouldn't be this hard to go back to the way things used to be. The way things _should_ be.

Sanji heard the galley door open and whipped his head around, simultaneously dreading and hoping it was one of a certain three crew mates. No such luck. It was the captain.

"What's for dinner, Sanji?" The inevitable food question. Normally, the chef would kick the rubber man in the head, tell him to wait and see, and then toss him back out the door. Normally.

"Stew," he answered the question. Then, he hooked a heel behind one of Luffy's knees and tugged, causing the bewildered pirate to fall back into a nearby chair. "I'm going to finish preparing it right now. You are going to sit here and talk to me. If you try to get up, steal food, or bug me, I'm going to kick you. Hard. More than once. Do you understand?"

Luffy blinked for a few seconds before his characteristic wide grin spread across his face once more. "Yes."

"Good." Sanji turned back to the stove. Hopefully, this act of desperation would take it's own sweet time to come back and bite him on the ass...

"Why do they call it 'stew?'" Luffy asked, his face blankly innocent.

Or not.

* * *

Before Chopper would let Zoro wander off to take a nap, he dragged the swordsman down to the bunk room to put his left arm in a proper sling. He also made the first mate promise to take it easy and not put any unnecessary strain on the joint. It wasn't that he didn't believe Zoro was a man of his word, but he also sprinkled a special powder on the clasp of the sling. It would react with the acidity of skin, staining the fingers of anyone who tried to remove the sling before he felt sufficient time had passed. Zoro rolled his eyes at his small and overly melodramatic shipmate and left, muttering under his breath.

Chopper decided to stay below deck and compound some medical supplies and work on a few rumble balls. He would never admit as much to anyone, but the ship's doctor was feeling a little useless.

He couldn't help but think that if he had just been braver at the bounty hunter's office, he wouldn't have gotten stuck to Zoro. If he had been free to move around, he might have been able to devise a way to unstick the glue sooner. He would at least have been able to help with the several fights they had gotten in that day. Instead, he could do nothing but observe. He _had_ helped the others figure out how to break through the cave wall, but that accomplishment seemed rather paltry in the grand scheme of things.

He had worked himself into a splendid, depressive funk by the time Usopp came below deck to work on restocking his ammunition.

"Oh, hey, Chopper," his friend greeted him cheerily. "Are you okay? You seem a little down..."

"If I hadn't been such a coward earlier today, things could have gone so differently. I wish I could be a brave warrior of the sea like you, Usopp!" Chopper's lower lip quivered.

Usopp was tempted to follow this with swift agreement and a dramatic tale, but contrary to popular belief, he _did_ know when it was truly important to be honest.

"Being brave isn't easy." He patted the reindeer on his fuzzy back. "I get scared a lot of the time, too. Like when that bounty hunter lady had a knife at my throat. You always come through for us when it's really important, and that's all that matters!"

"Really?" Chopper didn't seem quite convinced.

"Really. With half our crew being crazy reckless like they are, we'd never get anywhere without an amazing doctor like you!"

"Thanks, Usopp!" Chopper gave his friend a thousand-watt grin, complete with large, sparkling eyes. "It doesn't make me happy at all, though!"

"Any time." They both went about their tasks in a companionable silence broken only by the sound of their respective tools.

* * *

Nami's first act of business after escaping the glue situation was to remove the piece of cauliflower from her bra. She tossed it over the rail. Forget not wasting food, nobody was eating _that!_

Afterwards, she headed to the girls' room to change. She tossed her torn shirt into a basket of clothes set aside for mending and alterations and picked out a new top. Of course, as long as she was changing that, she might as well change the whole outfit! She saw the rolled up parchment slipped into her Clima-Tact holster as she was slipping on a new skirt.

"That's right," she realized, unrolling the paper, "I stole this from the bounty hunters' trophy stash! I wonder if it's a treasure map?"

She took a brief moment to fantasize about what sort of long-buried riches lay in store at the spot marked by an "X." The map was obviously old-the edges were torn and curling and the ink had begun to fade. The writing was all in some language she couldn't readily decipher, but that's what good friends who just happened to be archaeologists were for, right?

"Say, Robin," she asked once she found the older woman exactly where she expected-in her deck chair, reading a book by lantern light, "can you help me with something?" Without further introduction, she handed the map to Robin. The archaeologist made a contemplative sound and tapped her lips with her index finger. Nami watched Zoro head up to the aft deck and a short while later, Luffy amble past toward the galley as Robin continued to study the old chart.

"Very interesting..."

"Is it a treasure map?"

"Of sorts, I suppose."

"What does that mean?" Nami's brow furrowed. She had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't going to like Robin's answer very much.

"This map leads to a particular field of huckleberry bushes on a certain summer island. See this text in the corner?" Robin pointed to the column of writing. "These are recipes for jam and pie filling."

"Are you _serious?_" Nami looked thoroughly disgusted.

"Quite, I'm afraid. Perhaps it may be of some interest to Cook-san?"

Nami glanced surreptitiously toward the galley door. "Maybe. I'll talk to him about it later, I guess."

"Spending some much needed time apart, are we?" Robin carefully studied the younger woman's face. The least she could do, she decided, was offer a sympathetic ear. "Was the day really so awful?"

Nami plunked down in her own deck chair with a sigh. "Where should I even start?"

* * *

After finally escaping the ministrations of Chopper, Zoro checked to be certain that the captain was safely ensconced on the figurehead before making his way to the aft deck. After receiving a rather pointed glare, Usopp scurried off elsewhere, and Zoro settled himself against the railing for a long awaited nap. True, it was almost time to be heading to bed for the night, but he hadn't napped all day, and that was just unfair!

He closed his eyes and waited for unconsciousness to overtake him. And waited. Zoro was shocked. He couldn't sleep! What the hell?

He took mental stock of the situation. Despite the sling, he wasn't uncomfortable, so that wasn't it. There wasn't any bright light shining in his face or anything. Plus, it was nice and quiet. Wait...

He realized that was it. It was _never_ completely quiet with this crew unless something was seriously wrong. Looking back on the day, even being stuck to other crew members had only been really awkward when no one was talking.

"This is stupid," Zoro voiced his thought aloud. "_We're_ stupid! We're around each other all the time even if we aren't glued that way..."

He wasn't going to be the first to say anything, though. He knew they'd all work through this at their own pace. In the meantime, he listened carefully for the nearest source of noise. Nami's mildly exasperated voice drifted to him on the breeze, but he couldn't make out any words.

He needed to get closer. Unlike Luffy, Zoro could be stealthy if he chose. He slipped off his boots and tiptoed back down toward the deck chairs. Robin's eyes glanced over him briefly, a slight quirk of the lips her only acknowledgement. Nami didn't see him at all, as she was too swept up in telling Robin about her harrowing ordeal.

"So you know what he did _then_? He put the shoulder back by himself! Well, Sanji helped... It was so _gross!_"

He sprawled out a few paces away from the two women and pillowed his face on his right arm. Within moments, he was out like a light.

* * *

The Straw Hats, for the most part, had never been very big on dinner conversation. With Luffy around, it was crucial to finish your food as soon as possible. Nami and Robin occasionally chatted, since Sanji was there to protect their portions from Luffy the Black Hole. Thus, the awkwardness between certain members of the crew was slightly less glaring during the meal.

After dinner, everyone carried their dishes to the sink and left quietly to go to bed, except for Usopp, whom Sanji snared to help him with the dishes, and Robin, who was on watch.

The dishes were done in almost record time, and Sanji and Usopp headed below deck. The lights were already out and the others were in their respective hammocks when they entered. Luffy usually sat up and babbled for a while, but the morose mood had managed to dampen his exuberant spirit. That, and with no one else talking, he soon became bored and fell asleep.

"Well, good night, Sanji," Usopp whispered, before climbing into his hammock. The chef replied with a dismissive grunt, and the room lapsed into silence again.

* * *

Nami lay awake and stared at the ceiling. She would never admit it, but before Robin had joined the crew, she often felt lonely at night. The navigator had not felt those feelings in some time, but after a day of close contact, she was suddenly feeling very, very alone.

She clenched and unclenched her fists in frustration as she tried, unsuccessfully, to find a comfortable spot on the mattress. She growled and pulled the pillow from beneath her head. She folded it over lengthwise and hugged it to her chest.

"It's not the right size," a little voice in the back of her head protested, "and it's too soft."

"Shut up," she thought back. "I'm just getting more comfortable!" And she _was_ more comfortable. She nuzzled her face into the pillow and finally caught the sleep that been evading her.

* * *

Chopper sat up in his hammock with a muffled gasp. He had just awoken from a terrible nightmare! A horrible monster had eaten his friends one by one and he had only watched, frozen in terror. He expected the beast to eat him as well, but it had only laughed at him and told him it was all his fault.

The reindeer's pounding heart slowed fractionally when he counted the breathing sounds of four others in the room with him. They were safe! It was only a bad dream! This truth should have been all the comfort he needed, but he was still frightened. He needed to really _know_ the others were okay.

He hopped down from his hammock with a soft thunk and considered whom he should approach. Luffy was apt to chew on him in his sleep, Usopp was prone to violent nightmares of his own, and Sanji, especially recently, was very particular about his personal space. This left Zoro. The swordsman was often cranky when roused from sleep, but he was also meaner than any monster that could ever be dreamed up by Chopper's sleeping brain. He crept cautiously toward the green-haired man's hammock in small, fitful spurts of motion.

"Chopper." The doctor jumped at the sudden, low rumble. "If you're coming over here, just do it."

"Y-you're awake?" Chopper stammered.

"I am _now..._" Zoro could practically taste the fear coming off the reindeer in waves. "Nightmare?"

"Yeah." Chopper gulped audibly. "B-but I'm fine now." Both parties knew this was a lie. Zoro had been around the doctor long enough to recognize comfort-seeking behavior when he saw it. What he couldn't figure out was why Chopper had come to _him_.

"_I think it's nice. You make everybody feel safe and we can always count on you if we need you._"

Zoro groaned as he remembered the conversation from earlier that day. Why not? He was already way too emotionally invested in this crew anyway... Stupid reindeer and his unreasonable adorableness!

"Come here." Zoro scooted over and patted the now empty spot on his hammock. "This is just for tonight though, okay?"

"I understand," Chopper acknowledged solemnly.

When Sanji rose first the next morning, he found the ship's doctor once again latched to the side of Zoro's head, his high, whistling snore a counterpoint to the other's bass rumbling. He simply shook his head and headed up to begin breakfast.

* * *

At breakfast, Nami decided to act upon the personal trainer plan. She announced as much and everyone stared at her. Zoro shrugged.

"Okay. Meet me on the aft deck in an hour."

"Zoro," Chopper frowned, "you promised me you'd take it easy!"

"I will! Nami's the one who's going to be working out, not me!"

"Are you sure I don't need to supervise?"

"I'll make sure he doesn't do anything _too_ stupid, Chopper," Nami reassured him.

"Besides," Zoro smirked over at Sanji, "I thought chaperoning us was supposed to be the love cook's job."

Sanji bristled and turned away, saying nothing. The tension level in the room rose dramatically. Nami, Robin, and Usopp made a quick exit. Luffy was oblivious; he was busy cleaning the remaining breakfast scraps off of everyone else's plates. Chopper was torn between an urge to flee and a desire to keep Sanji and Zoro from killing each other because Zoro clearly was not happy that his baiting was being ignored. The doctor finally decided it would be best to get Luffy out of the line of fire.

"Hey, Luffy! Come out on deck with me and I'll teach you a new game I learned from Nami."

"Ooh! What's it called?" Good, he had the captain's attention.

"It's called 'I Spy.'"

"Do you spy on people?" He was slowly being coaxed toward the door.

"No, one person spies an object and the other person has to guess what it is."

Zoro waited until they were gone before he continued to try picking a fight.

"What's the matter with you, dartboard brows?"

Sanji continued to ignore him and went about pulling together ingredients for cookies and preheating the oven. Insults usually worked. Zoro was determined not to leave the galley until he got a rise out of his argument partner. Life on the Going Merry just wasn't the same without a good, snarky fight every now and then. Hmm...

"You know, everyone else is already back to life as usual. What makes you so damn special? I'm not gonna walk on eggshells around you just because you like to wallow in self-pity."

That got a growl. Sanji stirred his cookie dough rather violently. Aha! Hit him where it hurt-right in the pride... Time to change tactics while he was still reeling!

"I guess nobody's going to be there to keep Nami and I from giving in to sudden, random urges to bump uglies..."

Sanji's eye twitched. "'_Bump uglies_?' Could you be any more crude?" He dropped spoonfuls of dough onto a cookie sheet.

"Absolutely! I kinda like that one though. I find it nicely descriptive."

He was getting the silent treatment again. The first batch of cookies went into the oven.

"So, can I expect to see you later, or are you gonna sit in here all day and pout?"

"I am _not_ pouting." Zoro thought the cook's protruding lower lip begged to differ. Zoro grinned evilly. That gave him an idea... His right hand shot forward and squished the cook's face.

"Nobody likes a fish face!" Then he was out the door in a flash of black, white, and green.

Sanji was stunned for about three seconds. "Get back here, you shitty bastard! You're just lucky I need to keep these cookies from burning!"

He heard an amused chuckle drift back through the door. He hated to admit it, but he felt better after yelling at the seaweed head. Mostly. He rubbed his jaw. That had better not leave a bruise! People, especially inhumanly strong swordsmen, should _not_ grab other people's faces.

"Just you wait." He narrowed his eyes at the door. "I'll get you for that!"

* * *

After the last of the cookies were set on the rack to cool, Sanji sat and stared at the door. He wasn't really being unreasonably sulky, was he? So he didn't feel like swapping petty insults! So what? He wasn't hiding in here or anything.

He took a deep breath and slammed the door open. Robin glanced over at the sound, smiled slightly, and returned to her reading. Usopp's face peeked over the edge of the crow's nest to yell at him for abusing the door before disappearing again. Chopper was apparently still trying to drum the rules of "I Spy" into Luffy's abnormally thick skull.

"I spy Robin's hat." He looked expectantly at Chopper.

"No, you're supposed to say the color, remember?"

"Oh, right! I spy Robin's _purple_ hat!"

"Don't tell me what it is! Look, I'll go again, okay? I spy something green."

Sanji didn't see either Zoro or Nami, so he turned toward the aft deck. He paused on the stairs and listened. He desperately hoped he wouldn't walk in on anything that would crush all his hopes and dreams...

"I... _hate_... you!" Nami panted.

"No complaining; this was _your_ idea. Three more. You can do it."

"What happened to one more set?"

"We're still on it! Three more, let's go!"

Sanji peeked over the top of the stairs. Nami was doing sit-ups in a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt while Zoro held her feet down with his knees.

"Well, look who it is!" Zoro poked Nami's knee. "I told you he'd show up, if only to try and kick the crap out of me."

"Hey, Sanji-kun." Nami tried to smile, but gave up. "Zoro's a mean trainer!"

"He made cookies, you know," Zoro informed her. "Three more and we'll be done, and you can go have some."

"What kind of personal trainer motivates people with cookies?" She did another sit-up anyway.

"One who wants to stay employed?" She sat up again and punched his arm. "Ow... One more!"

If Nami was abusing Zoro, all was still right with the world! Sanji twirled and clasped his hands.

"I'll prepare you a nice, cool drink, Nami-swan! I'm also willing to massage your tired muscles!"

"I'll pass," Nami grunted out as she finished her last sit-up and collapsed to the deck. Sanji appeared to be back to normal.

As the three headed bak to the main deck, Nami made an announcement.

"Listen up, everybody! The log pose is set, so right after I take a shower and have some cookies we're setting sail!" Most of the crew acknowledged this in a normal fashion. However...

"That's what she said!" Luffy crowed. He blinked when his only response was stunned silence. "Well, she did..."

Zoro and Sanji hurriedly scooted away from an irate Nami.

"It wasn't me!" Sanji insisted. "I've been holed up in the galley, remember?"

"It wasn't me, either." Zoro gulped. "Besides, he's not even using it right!"

Nami's eyes slid over to a certain reindeer who was not quite hiding behind the mast.

"_Chopper?_"

The ship had finally returned to its normal, relatively speaking, state of madness.

THE END


End file.
